Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Behold, a last minute gift idea!

Tights. Hat. Scarf. 
Three gifts in one!
What more could that special someone on your list possibly want!!???

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I got your lake effect snow RIGHT HERE!

This is Steve. Steve does not like the winter. Steve does not like the cold. Steve does not like the snow. Steve does not like to shovel. Steve does not like to snow blow his elderly neighbor's driveway. Steve does not like the big pile of winter boots and hats and mittens at the back door. 

Steve has an awesome hat with a big yellow pom pom on top. Steve needs to remember to be thankful that he gets to wear such a fabulous hat.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree:(

Steve has decided that he wants us to celebrate Hanukkah this year. Something about the way Christmas has been perverted. And it's origins. I'll spare you the details. So anyway, after quite a bit of whining and moaning on my part about all the magical trees twinkling in the pagans' windows, I've decided that resistance is futile and perhaps it is not my place to change his mind about something he is obviously convicted about. So Hanukkah it is.

My initial concern with this idea was the thought of giving each of our four girlies a gift on each of the 8 days of the celebration. Frankly, our budget (I use the term very loosely) doesn't have room for 32 gifts. Last year they got pajamas and toothbrushes. But after a bit of thought and some lucky finds at our local Goodwill, I've come up with a rough draft for our gift giving and family time. These days are in no particular order.

Day 1. Art night. I found several unused coloring/activity/drawing books at the Goodwill. I will also break out some new crayons and markers that I stockpiled during the fabulous back to school sales and we will ALL sit around the table together being farty arty.

Day 2. Fun with Magnets. I found some magnet "wands" and quite a few other magnet-y things at our local teacher store. I may fill a tub with rice or peas and let them "search" for the hidden magnetic objects with their wands, though I foresee lots of arguing during this activity. 

Day 3. Boring necessity night. Socks. ????? Activity.....sock fights. You know......stuff one sock into the other and whap everyone with your weapon as hard as you can. I guarantee this activity will end in tears.

Day 4. Book Reading night. I almost peed my pants after finding several like new small American Girl books at the Goodwill for $.49!!! We have been checking these out at the library and I LOVE how there is a little history lesson related to the story at the back of each book. I picked up several other age appropriate books for the girls, so we will spend the evening cuddled up on the futon mattress in front of a crackling fire.

Day 5. Movie night. A family gift of Kung Fu Panda and popcorn. 

Day 6. The "real" gift. Puppets for all. I splurged at my new favorite store, Explorations, and got each of the girls their own Melissa and Doug puppet. Good stuff. So I'm guessing they'll spend this night crowded behind the couch putting on puppet shows for us.

Day 7. Play dough night. Homemade play dough. Pick your own color. Note to self: pick up lots of cream of tartar.

Day 8. Game night. Still trying to decide what family game to buy. Any suggestions for players aged 2-33?

I realize the holidays aren't all about gift-giving, so rest assured that we will be reading and discussing the true meaning of Hanukkah. And Christmas.

I am slowly becoming more and more excited about our first Hanukkah and am optimistic that we will find some new traditions that will become a meaningful part of our family history. I'd also love to hear any of your favorite holiday traditions.......?????

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Monday, December 8, 2008

The one where Joolee joins a weight loss challenge

So basically, this one is all about how I joined a holiday weight loss challenge on Friday over at Diet Cake (so sorry...too late to join) so I could impress the amazing Amy Lawson with my trash talk and win "dozens of dollars" and maybe an empty package of Egyptian cigarettes, and how I then proceeded to spend my weekend baking sugar cookies, eating a few too many pieces of Papa Murphy's pizza, going out to Culver's after church with some friends and gorging myself on a delightful medley of cheesy chips and my own blueberry cheesecake dessert at last night's Christmas party. Go me! 

HOWEVER, that 5th non-diet Coke I passed up Saturday night during my poker reign and my dedication to the Culver's kid's meal have left me a surprising 1.5 pounds LIGHTER.....with my tank top ON. Who knew the key to successful weight loss was 4 Cokes and a Culver's kid's meal!? ;) 

Watch out world! Here I come. 

Oh never mind. It just occurred to me that the missing 1.5 pounds could very well have been "snot weight," as I have been blowing my nose pretty much non-stop.

Friday, December 5, 2008

The one about the booty pinching lion and a very sweet kiss

Three nights ago Gwen crawled into bed with us crying about a lion that had just pinched her booty. Though we are not generally proponents of co-sleeping, Steve and I were both very tired and very aware that our baby is growing up much too fast. So we snuggled her up between us, protecting her from that nasty booty pinching lion, and soaked in the rare sweetness of a calm and peaceful Gwen. 

That booty pinching lion must be unable to resist Gwen's perfect little bum, because she has sought the protection of our bed every night since. (Actually, he visits early in the morning......just before sunrise.)

This is the groggy conversation we had early this morning.

G: Can we go to the pool?
M: Tonight.
G: (Leans over, places both of her hands sweetly on my cheeks and gently kisses my forehead in gratitude) 
M: (I smile as my heart totally melts)

a couple minutes later.....
G: Mommy, here take my booger.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Keeping me humble

I absolutely LOVE this
and have been using it daily for several years now. 
 I ran out last week and haven't found time to go shopping 
so I have been using this,
a rather expensive product that I got free after rebate at Walgreen's.
Unfortunately, my chin now resembles this.

After winning 6 of the last 8 games of this,
my cluster of zits is the only thing keeping me humble.
(Well, that and the unflattering cut of Steve's fleece bear covered pajama pants I am wearing)


Monday, December 1, 2008

Where there are pretend reindeer.......

......there will be pretend poo. 
(this pile-o-poo is a result of Gwen's distaste for crust and her 2-year old fascination with excrement)

Saturday, November 29, 2008


So much to be grateful for!!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Structural Integrity vs. Sprinkles

Our princess Ella will be 4 tomorrow. We had a party for a friend Friday, so I decided to make Ella's cake a little early and "pretend" the party was for her as well. I was inspired by a cake that Nikki recently made for her little girl, and though I am no cake decorator I thought I might be able to pull it off. Turns out, not so much. But I'd like to think that what the cake lacked in structural integrity it more than made up for in sprinkles. And for what it's worth, the girls think I'm "the best cake decorator in the world!"

This is my Settlers of Catan cake......proof that both my cake decorating AND geometry skills need improvement.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My blogger's keeper?

My little brother started a blog! Although there's not much to see yet other than a picture of him as an adorable little boy and a picture of his adorable little boy, I know his blogging future is bright. He is one of the neatest guys I, thoughtful, talented......I could go on about his other fabulous qualities, but I'd hate to make him uncomfortable his first day in Bloggyland. I will say, however, that I am hopeful he will post some of his original music (Did I mention he is talented?) Welcome to Bloggyland Justin! Can't wait to read what you write! (But can we just agree up front not to share any stories involving piles of pillows or dart guns?)

My awesome brothers and nephews.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

There is no charge.......

...... for awesomeness........

...... or attractiveness.

 -my new favorite quote from Kung Fu Panda

So I still need to find the right ribbon to string these up, but I must say I was quite pleased with myself. Granted, the project only required the use of tape and scissors, but if you look closely you'll see that I even managed to line up my snips with the scalloped scissors correctly. For me, that's unheard of! I must be on a creative high because I already have plans to launch a business where I will specialize in personalized banners......or whatever you call them. I suppose I should at least know what to call my product.....:{

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pillow Talk: A Joint Effort


I am THE husband.  I don't do blogs.  I'm being held captive in my own king size bed against my will.  Joolee promised me a few favors if I cooperated.  So here's me throwing caution to wind.  (Closed circuit to Jules:  Is that good enough?  Can I go to bed now?)

J: Seriously? I knew this would happen. So much for our serious conversation about Christmas trees and acceptable Hanukkah presents (Steve thought one crayon a day for eight days would be enough to knock the kids' socks off). If we're not gonna share our heated debate about the upcoming holidays, then maybe I should insert a video clip of your smokin hot dance moves from earlier tonight? 

I would like to respond to a few things from that short, but oh so witty snippet.
One:  I was thinking of those real fatty crayons.  You know the ones with all the girth?  They look like little colored cigars.  By the eighth day they would be begging for the orange one to complete the set.
Two:  Since you brought up the X-mas tree...  I'm not a big proponent of any heathen phallic symbol in our house let alone one I have to water or paint so it keeps it's color.  
Three:  I couldn't help but sense a bit of sarcasm in your "smokin" comment.  Were you really impressed with my free style or was that just your way of saying I looked like I was about to overheat?
Now can I go to bed?

That, folks, is Steeb's big debut as a blogger. No longer can he openly mock me in front of his blog-hating friends or I will bury him alive along with his smokin hot dance moves. FYI....although he is about to saw some serious logs (logs with the girth of the Sequoias) he is already plotting future topics for Pillow Talk: A Joint Effort. So out of respect for his fragile ego, please refrain from commenting about the lameness of this post. This is what happens when two people are too lazy to get off their butts and go get their Bible study workbook out of the car or even watch T.V.(because they are participating in the Neilson Ratings and have to document everything they watch for a week in exchange for some cold hard cash.) It's dark in here and I can't see to type. Goodnight.

So much little time.......and skill.

I am not a crafty kind of girl. At all. I've been accused of being crafty, but the accuser's judgement was obviously clouded by one too many spoonfuls of my homemade chocolate chip cookie dough. I've found that if for whatever reason you're hoping to fool a few folks into believing you are crafty, all you have to do is whip up a nice meal of comfort foods, serve homemade cookies still warm from the oven, keep the fire crackling in the wood stove, light a few candles, and play a lil Jason Mraz in the background. Voila! Apparently.....instant crafty vibe.

Let me repeat. I am NOT crafty. I do not scrapbook. I do not stamp. I do not knit (although Julie's older sister Erica did teach me back in middle school). I do not sew. Occasionally I tie a pretty bow around something, but that is pretty much the full extent of my craftiness. 

Despite my lack of time and skill, I have decided that I would really like to get my crafty shwerve on. There are so many beautiful sites out there........eye candy that can literally make my mouth water. 

And just to keep you hanging, ("Can't......hang.......on.......much......longer") stay tuned for the big reveal of my recently almost sort-of finished creation.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Gabby Gwen

Mommy, I scribbled something on Ella's page and it's scary (with both hands in the air and fingers wiggling scarily.)

G: Am I mad? 
M: Why would you be mad? 
G: Because I am crying (and because she found her broken toy.)

You put me in your tummy?
And I grew up too?
*giggle* That's fun...I liked that!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Hunting Opener Triggers Rare Appearance of Fun Mommy

Fun Mommy appears to have made a half-hearted attempt to hang Christmas lights in the girls' room. In daylight, tacky. After dark, magical.

Concrete evidence of Fun Mommy's appearance........her favorite Fun Mommy playlist.

Evidence that Fun Mommy forgot about her lengthly to-do list to relax and dream a bit.

Looks like Fun Mommy was able to build a fire with wet wood. Only a super hero could accomplish such a difficult task while leisurely reading the Sunday paper.

Fun Mommy offers a non-healthy breakfast alternative.

Funny Mommy buys 4 little kid shovels to commemorate the year's first snow.

Fun Mommy even had time to style hair!

Fun Mommy let the housework slide for two days, but decided to sweep under the couch before the return of Fun Daddy.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


......I am sitting here semi-watching a previously recorded Rocky movie instead of following Fox News' Brit Hume (aka Droopy the cartoon dog) cover the disheartening election results.
......I got full body goose bumps as Rocky yelled "Hey Adrienne! I did it!!!!!"
......I have 3 of the kids' Halloween candy wrappers wadded up in tight ball next to me on the couch (as if to look like only one.)

Tonight is a disappointment on multiple levels.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A full body shot

The Julie Sofa

Available to the public for only $921.99

I may have unsightly saddlebags, but aren't those petite feet to die for!?

Friday, October 31, 2008

A long time coming

I just realized that although I personally notified the winner of the nudie caption contest, I failed to announce my decision to the rest of you clever participants. I'm sorry you have all been refreshing my blog page every 30 seconds for the past few weeks, phone in hand ready to notify your local paper of your latest achievement, and I'm even more sorry that you sold some valuable baseball cards sheathed in plastic to make room in your binder for your new Garbage Pail Kids collection. And now with apologies made, and without further ado.....the winner is............ MY DAD with his caption "Holy Navel, Buttman!" 

My dad has a great sense of humor, and I hope this doesn't seem like a conflict of interest. All of the entries were so entertaining.....I might just make an effort to do regular caption writing contests as a reminder of man's (and woman's) amazing creative capabilities. Fun things! Julie of theanticsofthethree22nds was the runner-up in this contest as she hit on the whole idea of perspective that I had originally envisioned. My thought was something along the lines of "things observed beyond this obstruction" or something to that effect. Anyway, thanks to all you witty participants, apologies for my failure to announce the winner sooner, and best wishes for a scare-free Halloween. 

P.S. After picking up our 8 free mini-pizzas (2 per kid cuz they had lots of extras) from Papa Murphy's, Steve took us all shining for deer. In the cemetery. On Halloween! If it wasn't for my coma-inducing heated car seat, I'm quite sure I would have wet myself.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Taking it out of context

We have a lot of underwear at our house. A LOT. I buy it in bulk at garage sales. I know, some of you are probably totally repulsed by the thought of wearing something that once touched a stranger's unmentionables, but I don't buy the stained ones and I always wash them in really hot water and often bleach before I place them in the big basket-o-underwear in the girls' room. Oh, yeah. I'm talking lil girlie underwear here....NOT grown woman underwear. For that I splurge on the free pair Victoria's Secret continues to offer me in an attempt to make me drop a hund-o on a bra. Sha! As if! Back to the topic....lots of underwear. If I find nice clean underwear at a garage sale for 5 or 10 cents, I pick it up. In the past, most likely one of the girls was on the potty train or about to hitch a ride on the potty train, and for some of the messier accidents I found it was much less stressful to just throw away a pair of cheap underwear than to spend my precious time scrubbing out the poo stain. And on hectic weeks like this one when I just might be a tidge backed up on the laundry, the girls are at least guaranteed a clean pair of skivies. So yes, lots of underwear.

I keep this underwear in a big basket in the girls' room. For the most part, the girls can each distinguish the pairs that fit them, but unfortunately Gwen keeps getting into them to either try them on, throw them in the air like confetti, or both. Consequently, it's not uncommon to find close to a hundred pairs of underwear all over their bedroom floor on a given day. The state of this room is a battle I have chosen not to fight, but when we are having company I make an attempt to help the younger ones pick up a bit, which involves picking up a lot of underwear.

My dilemma comes from having to decipher the clean confettied underwear from the "I forgot to throw it into the dirty laundry" underwear. Sadly enough, I have yet to find a more reliable way to determine the cleanliness of each pair of underwear other than sticking my nose right down into the crotch of each and every pair and inhaling deeply. Of course, I'm occasionally assaulted by the scent of lil "I don't always remember to wipe" girlie booty and for some strange reason it always reminds me of the following verse.

Romans 7:15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just a little harmless fun

Thanks to all who voted for a costume idea in my first ever blog poll. Unfortunately, I was unable to convince Steve to shave his chest and don a speedo. Fortunately, with only 24 hours before the big party we were able to secure most of our costume pieces including the free walker at the local Salvation Army. I made a last minute attempt to educate myself in the art of stage make-up via youtube, and apparently my attempts to accentuate my fine lines and wrinkles left me looking more like a lion than a woman with lots of life experience. 

Perverted old man and saggy casino grandma

Oops, I forgot to take my glasses out of my fanny pack to complete my sexy ensemble. Notice my authentic casino club card conveniently accessible to the slots? And the shoes!?! Ah....felt like walking on a cloud......these are begging to become an integral part of my fall wardrobe.

Nate and Missy as McCain and Palin......even her hair was perfect!!

Jeremy and Amanda as Michael Scott and Pam from The Office.

Brianne and Jimmy-T

The fabulous hosts, Troy and Mary as Zorro and Elena? (Zorro's girl)

There were many other fabulous costumes, an amazing spread of ghoulish treats, and lots of laughs. Friends are such a blessing! Can I do that? Can I use the word "blessing" in a post about a "wicked" Halloween party? Get over it. 

Friday, October 24, 2008

A general feeling of anxiety

I woke up this morning with this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, the kind you get on the first day of a new class, or the day your long distance boyfriend is driving 13 hours across the country to see you for the first time in months, or the morning you teach the preschoolers' Sunday school and 3 parents are staying in class to help their kids 'transition.' I'm trying to pinpoint the source of my anxiety and here is a non-inclusive list of the possible culprits.
  • The kids just woke up before the sun. After telling them to get back in bed, Steve informed me that it was already 7:30. Addie's bus stop pick-up time used to be 7:26 and I was reminded of all the cold early mornings spent rushing around scolding "Hurry up or you'll miss the bus!"
  • Steve and I were invited to a costume party tomorrow night and we still have no idea what we're going to be. Let's just say that Steve and I are on the same page about a lot of things, but costumes definitely do NOT fall under this category.
  • In Rachel's post yesterday she wrote about feeling like she gets kicked in the gut every time she remembers that Felicity is gone. I may be feeling anxious knowing that my good friend is being frequently kicked in the gut. I want to defend her from her heartless attacker, but I can't. I've been known to overpower grown men and occasionally sit with my knees in someone's armpits, but Rachel's attacker has no armpits and seems to be much bigger than a grown man. I'm still feeling helpless. And sad.
  • I'm feeling pressure to get back on the Bloggy Bandwagon before you all forget me. My absence of posts isn't entirely due to lack of inspiration, but more of a lack of discipline to edit my ideas down to readable material. Thanks to my cousin Kim for providing me with the random topic of "egg beaters" to help get my semi-stagnant juices flowing. My egg beater post is still under production.              
  • I am awaiting the arrival of the bill for my root canal and wondering how much a dentist charges for his use of a Bunsen burner during the procedure. Seriously people, this is the 21st century! Must we really light up a Bunsen burner by the patient's head before sticking numerous long sharp objects in her mouth!?
  • I didn't call a friend back yesterday. She called twice and I feel really bad about it.
  • Last weekend when my parents were up raking, hauling firewood into our garage and babysitting visiting, some vandals/thieves/bad guys broke a window in Steve's truck, stole our iPod and slashed the roof of my parent's convertible. I'm having a hard time reconciling the city I love with the city that would commit such random acts of meanness. 
  • I have 3 laundry baskets full of miscellaneous paperwork stuffed into my mud room. And I can't seem to find the time or the space to store it away properly. 
  • I seem to be getting wobblier and wrinklier by the day.
  • There are 11 days until the election.
  • I'm down to only 9 jars of back-up peanut butter.
  • It is supposed to snow on Sunday and I still haven't gotten around to planting those new hollyhocks. Oops.

Friday, October 10, 2008

the one where joolee wakes up in a wet spot reeking of antibiotics and mixed vegetables

That made you puke in your mouth a little, didn't it?

Wow! What a rough week. God must have known that my dear friend would need lots of prayer this week.......including prayer in the middle of the night, because coincidentally, I have been up many a night since Monday. I won't go into the gory details, but my week involved a family sickness and an emergency root canal. (I wonder if all root canals aren't emergency, but I'm going to leave it in for effect.) So now I'm on stinky antibiotics that are somehow oozing their foul stench through my pores, and that wet spot and odor de mixed vegetables........that's from sleeping laying all night on a bag of Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers.

Don't they make steam-in-a-bag celery? I absolutely adore the smell of fresh celery.

Anyway, despite my miserable week, I know that the physical pain I have experienced is absolutely nothing compared to the emotional pain my friend is enduring. Keep praying for Rachel and her family as their memorial service for Felicity is tomorrow.

Monday, October 6, 2008

much sadness

I got absolutely heartbreaking news from my BFF tonight, my BFF who drove hundreds of miles to stand up for me when I eloped, my BFF who just recently started blogging....Rachel, of Home on the Range.

She had her third baby this morning....a girl. Felicity Faith. Rachel was really hoping for a girl. Of course, she was just hoping for a healthy baby, cuz that's what we know we're all supposed to say, but I knew she really wanted a girl. Devastatingly, she didn't get her healthy baby. Somehow, the umbilical cord was tied in a tight knot leaving her unable to breath. I don't know all the traumatic details, but I DO know that this little girl was loved and wanted more than anything. 

I can't even begin to fathom the deep sadness and maybe even anger that Rachel and her husband are feeling right now. I spent the night driving around in silence, crying and praying for my dear friend. What can you say to a friend who has just lost the baby she carried for 41 weeks? Yesterday she was blogging about the new baby sling she was anxious to use and tomorrow she will be planning a memorial service. Why do these things happen!!??

So I finally managed to drag myself into a store to look for a sympathy card. I HATE sympathy cards! They all say something totally dumb..... some poetic nonsense meant to comfort the grieving, but really they just sound cliche and shallow. I bought one anyway. Something about there not being words. And as I stood there at Shopko, bawling between the Thanksgiving cards and the humorous cards (the kind that Rachel and I save for each other), I wished there was something.....anything I could do to help her. What good will a card do? Sure, I'll be praying for her like mad, but I feel so helpless. Helpless and so incredibly sad. 

Pray for my dear sweet friend.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

another update


  • is blogging while watching the debate in order to prevent the painful exposure of any new nail beds.
  • thinks Tina Fey IS Sarah Palin.
  • has learned the hard way that using the internet to search for a photo of a fig leaf while helping her 7 year old with her Genesis community Bible study homework will probably reveal a part of Adam's anatomy needing just a bit more fig leaf coverage.
  • is tempted to get a haircut to perfectly match her stylish 8 year old niece.
  • is currently being mesmerized by Biden's pearly whites, even though she is a republican. She is also thinking they just might be dentures, in which case she is more anxious than ever for all her teeth to fall out.
  • thinks snacking on candy corn and peanuts will probably bring her one step closer to the perfect denture smile of her dreams.
  • was true to her facebook status word and went dumpster diving, if only for the photo opportunity.
  • is thinking she might prefer the life of a blomad.....a blogging nomad......traveling from blog to blog, living off other's ideas and providing mini posts in their comment sections.
  • was thrilled with the audience participation in her first nudie post and will announce a winner before she kicks her peanut butter habit.
  • is going to start using her wrinkle cream much more diligently.
  • would prefer to live in her ignorant bubble than to hear that non-organic apples are chock full of poison.
  • can't afford organic.
  • feels like debating......pick a topic....any topic.......
  • is Phew! the debate is over!

The thing about my 10 year anniversary

First of all, the thing about my 10 year anniversary is that it was last Thursday. But due to technical photo upload difficulties, I am posting it this Thursday.

Ok. So I'm not feeling the whole "the thing about my 10 year anniversary" vibe. But on this day, 10 years ago, Steve and I tied the knot here, at the Little Log Wedding Chapel in Gatlinburg, TN. Our wedding cost us $229 plus the gas to get there.

Only the preacher and our recently married BFFs were there to witness the momentous occasion. I wore a black dress that was intended for one of my bridesmaids. We exchanged rings bought for a quarter from a vending machine. I held a single white hardy mum. I cried tears of joy. It was my perfect wedding. Except for the black dress. I had ordered my dream dress (minus the bow), but unfortunately it couldn't be delivered in all it's bustled glory until November, a month before our initial wedding date. 

We were young. And jobless. We had both just moved from Minnesota to Michigan and decided to elope because I had a Friday off of school. The 3 month wait for the wedding we had started to plan just seemed too far away. We simply couldn't wait to start our lives together as man and wife.

What a difference 10 years and 4 kids can make! 
And I even photo shopped out my laugh lines below!!!

So Happy Anniversary to us!!! 
I couldn't have picked a more perfect mate!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Warning: Artistic Nudity

Heather of the EO (man, I need to stop with this name dropping) just posted something about 2 little people and some poo in the bathtub for a Soap Opera Sunday post under the theme Three's a Crowd. Reading something about smallish kids in the bathtub along with the theme Three's a Crowd made me really want to post this picture. That and I'm curious to see if my title will get me any more hits.

This was taken in the shower/bath when I was quite pregnant with my third (obviously), and if I had been a blogger back then I'm quite sure I would have been tempted to use it as my heading photo along with a clever blog title.......maybe something like......

WAIT! That's for you, my loyal readers to help me decide. Anything to get a few comments you know. And you lurkers had better de-lurk. Mom and Dad, I know you won't have anything to do with the grand prize I'm offering.....20 mint condition Garbage Pail Kids cards, so if you win, your prize will be an easy Pathwords win against me. Tempting isn't it?

Oh, and the bath water is green, not from oopstheyatetoomanyapplejacks poo, but from some magical Crayola bath tint. Just wanted to clear that up. 

Oooo, and just one last thing........Have a seriously crossed a line? Seriously, is this totally inappropriate? Seriously, stop me now! Seriously!?

If not, good luck to all 7 of you! And the caption writing begins.......NOW!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I so wouldn't have been tagged in real life!

Cuz I'm kinda quick like that. And what I might lack in speed I more than make up for with my dodging and weaving and talking in circles skills. 

Phew! Just when I was about to give up blogging entirely due to technical difficulties and lack of inspiration, fabulous and famous Heather of the EO tagged me with a fun post idea. Now if only I could figure out how to post the rules........

 So here are 7 interesting/quirky facts about ME.
  1. I bite my nails. But I don't really have any nails to bite. Last night I was so nervous watching the presidential debate that I exposed some actual nail bed. 
  2. I am awesome and super speedy when it comes to taking multiple choice tests. I think I have a special gift where the right answer just jumps off the page at me. Add this to my uber-competitive streak and I am sure to have broken time and score records for gross anatomy finals and OT boards exams. This may sound braggish, but keep in mind, I am not claiming to be smart, merely a good test taker.
  3. Speaking of multiple choice, I need to have multiple choices when it comes to my personal hygiene. Friends often make fun of the 23 bottles of body wash, shampoo, and conditioner I keep in my shower, but hey, some days I want a deep tingly scalp cleaning, some days I want folks to see their reflections in my ever so shiny locks, and other days I just really want to smell like a large brown tropical fruit. 
  4. I'm pretty sure I have the opposite of body dysmorphic disorder. You know when the skinny girl looks in the mirror and only sees fat? I have the blissfully ignorant condition where the fat girl looks in the mirror and sees nothing but the pinnacle of beauty and fitness. Ok. Maybe I don't have a whole full blown case of reverse body dysmorphic disorder. But my body image is entirely too high considering the 50 pounds I've gained since getting married....... Just don't show me a picture of myself or I'll immediately plummet into the depths of despair and closet peanut butter consumption.
  5. I am absolutely anal when it comes to loading the dishwasher and folding clothes. Basically, no matter how helpful a person has tried to be, I HAVE to do it over. MY way! And yet, my home as a whole looks like the aftermath of hurricane Ike 73% of the time.
  6. I floss about 4 times a day. I also regularly dream that all my teeth are loose and on the verge of falling out. Oh, and I don't trust dentists. And in some sick way, I'm looking forward to the perfect smile that, in my case, only a pair of dentures can provide.
  7. I don't know if I'm lazy or just lacking fine motor skills, but this is what my nails look like after I paint them. Then I simply take a bath to scrub off the excess. Oh, and those growths on the medial sides of my feet........calluses. At least as far as I know, just calluses.

And now, Tag! You're it Rachel on the Range. And Tag! You're it Billi with your Babbling. And Tag! You're it Pudgy the Skinny. And Tag! You're it Pudgy's sister Kristi. And Tag! You're it you mini van coveting cuz. I'm totally not following the rules and tagging 7 people because hey, I don't do rules. 

Monday, September 22, 2008

Joolee and the slow motion pseudo-tsunami

Alternate title: Joolee and the terrible horrible no good very bad week

It's been a rough one folks. The kids all got what I thought were colds last week. Turns out it's a lovely virus the medical community has termed hand, foot, mouth disease. Nothing glamorous about that diagnosis. I mean, really, if my family is gonna come down with some disgusting and highly contagious disease that leaves blisters on their tongues and itchy rashes on their hands and feet, then at least give us a semi-informative and impressive diagnosis to throw around. I'm thinking something like....ahem, acute petulance and malaise secondary to oral vesications and eczema of the appendages. Now that's a disease a family can be proud of!

Though there may not be a spot on the sofa, there are definitely spots on the Sopha's tongues:( Josie's face says it all!

So anyway, much of last week was spent trying NOT to console several seemingly bratty and whiney girlies, so as not to reinforce such behavior. It wasn't until Saturday morning when I woke up with a tongue so sore it hurt to talk or eat or be alive that I remembered our exposure to that horrid virus and began to have a smidgen of sympathy for my poor suffering daughters. Sorry girlies. Tough Love seems to be my middle name, but I can't say that I didn't come by it honestly. (MOM;)

To be fair, Saturday we did spend the lovely fall afternoon biking and hiking at our favorite spot....the cemetery. Because really, what better place to take your highly contagious family than a beautiful park filled with already-dead people? I'm telling you, that cemetery is really my favorite place ever!! Sounds crazy, I know, but there are smooth paved roads with only small inclines and declines (hard to find in our hilly neck of the woods), beautiful trees that change brilliant colors in the fall, ponds, and ducks, and geese. And hardly anyone else is ever there. As long as you don't count all the dead bodies. You should know, by the way, that out of respect for the dead I have put a stop to the girls climbing all over the tombstones. So, yes......I admit, we did have an enjoyable afternoon Saturday and returned home to a soft meal of yogurt and hard boiled eggs, so as not to aggravate our irritated mouths.

Get that baby a diaper!

What a surprise! Ella is crying again!

Not sure if it was the unconventional dinner I ingested Saturday evening or my sore biker's bum, but that entire night I spent dragging my girlies to higher ground, trying to escape a looming and ever so slow motion tsunami. 

It was one of those dreams that I'm sure lasted at least 6 hours because I woke up absolutely exhausted. I've found that pseudo-running and pseudo-dragging 4 kids can really do that to a girl. And all the pseudo-running and pseudo-stress that comes with dealing with an imminent pseudo-tsunami must have reeked havoc on my already weakened immune system, because I now have a horrible head know, the nose that drips continuously out of one nostril while the other is totally plugged up, watering eyes, headache, and all the needy kids simultaneously yelling "mommy!" that historically have surfaced on such sick days. Uuugh! And so, here I am, whining on my blog about my terrible horrible no good very bad week, trying unsuccessfully to deal with the multiple arguments that have risen as a result of a backyard bicycle obstacle course, and trying desperately to avoid sweeping all of last night's popcorn crumbs off the couch and floor.

And now, there is only one thing left to do........Sing my favorite stuffed up nose song at the very top of my lungs.....and purposefully just a tidge out of tune.

Here cubs Saddy Clause,
Here cubs Saddy Clause,
Right dowd Saddy Clause Lade,
He doesd't care if you're rich or poor
cuz he loves you just the sabe.
We all know that we're God's childred
that bakes everythig bright.
So hag your stockids add say your prayers 
cuz Saddy Clause cubs todight!