Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Give me a minute

......to get myself together.

OK. Let me preface this post by saying that life is good. My husband has a great job that he really enjoys. I have the luxury of staying home with 4 beautiful healthy daughters. Though truth be known, today the word torture seems a more appropriate one than luxury. We are living in a big beautiful home in the country. Though far away, we have absolutely amazing family and friends. I have so much to be thankful for, and I am grateful, truly.

So why was I overwhelmed with sadness last night? The sadness just poured over me suddenly and all I could do was cry. And when Steve tried to comfort me, that cry turned into a bawl. Was it a cry of loneliness? I am far from family and friends, I am still adjusting to Steve being back at work and with longer hours, we don't have internet access at home yet with which I might feel at least artificially connected to the outside world, and I have no neighbors within sight. I DO, however, have 4 girls to constantly keep me company.......though the bickering and arguing between a couple are driving me absolutely insane. And let me tell you that when I yell (which I know I shouldn't) in this big bare floored house, it definitely isn't pretty. I digress.

I had high hopes of making some great friends right off the bat.....not "once in a lifetime" friends like we have back home, but good friends nonetheless. Granted, we've barely been here over a week, but I'm beginning to realize that making friends again will take time. Maybe lots of time. Folks are already established here.....with family, sports, jobs, other friends and obligations like dairy farming crowding their days. So....is that really it? Loneliness?

Or was I missing our cozy wood stove and our house at the top of the hill with the gorgeous sunsets that illuminated our cheery yellow walls as neighbors walked their dogs on the sidewalk below? Was I missing the convenience of a washer and dryer in my own basement that never left me having to send the kids outside to play in stinky wet snow pants? Was I plummeting into the depths of despair because of the daily visual torture of seeing my already unsightly wobbly bits even more distorted in the reflective bathtub fixtures? Or was I missing our big deep kitchen sink that never made mealtime clean-up frustrating or messy? Was it our home church, the great worship, the lighthearted atmosphere and familiar faces I was missing that sent the tears gushing? Was I shallowly sad about Addie's recently botched haircut from the local cosmetology school?

Could my sadness simply be physiological in nature? 10 days without sun? Not enough exercise? Too many 7 layer bars? Too much Mason Jennings? Catan withdrawal? Something in the well water? Am I just PMS-ing "real bad?"

This morning I found an old book I had unpacked a few days ago.....Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. I've owned it for years and though some of the terminology can seem a bit new-agey, I have always loved the ideas and inspiration it gives me. I opened it to January 27th, because I thought that was today's date, and it encouraged me to write out my concerns in a sort of conversation with myself or "rapid stream of consciousness." And so I have. Hopefully now I'll be able to "let go and get on with my day."

"I will write myself into well-being." -Nancy Mair

Friday, January 22, 2010

Greetings from Booneyville

Hello. I am alive and well. We survived the move (thanks to some amazing help from family and friends....old and new.) I am living in my dream house (minus the teensy weensy kitchen sink) and I feel like an excited little girl happily arranging furniture in her new dollhouse. Except for the tiny kitchen sink. Or did I already mention that the sink is small? Honestly, I am considering the possibility of combining the task of showering with the washing of the pots and pans....but perhaps I've said too much. Really though, the house is absolutely gorgeous!!! Way bigger and better than I even imagined it would be. Other than the huge yard and all the barns and buildings to explore, a favorite of the girls has been the laundry chute. They have spend at least an hour every day since we moved dropping things down to the basement.....one kid on each level......first the dirty laundry, then the stuffed animals, then some blankets or bubble wrap. Endless entertainment. I've been taking pictures and can't wait to find some way to post them. Unfortunately we won't be getting internet access at home until we decide to buy the place. (Very expensive set-up costs.) Which leaves me feeling quite isolated. We live in the middle of nowhere.......no neighbors within sight......and just the other day after getting stuck at the end of the driveway I couldn't even see the house through all the fog. Fortunately, there is a wonderful library here in town....great hours and great kids area, so we will be designating one day a week as library day to catch up on blog reading/writing and bill paying. Welp, this is the quality of writing you're gonna get as I scramble to share our new life while the kids have free run of the library. Better sign off now before the librarians start to cringe when they see us coming.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Why you should buy our house.......Part 2

Kitchen and Bathroom Edition

Oh wait! How did this one get in here?
Another view from the living room window:)

And another view.....
from the kitchen window.

Back entrance and a small wall of pretty flowers.

All new appliances

All new cupboards and a cork floor (that REALLY hides the dirt.)

New fridge and TONS of pantry space on either side.

Big window. Deep sink. Lots of light.

And check out that ceiling!!

Back entry with lots of hooks......

......custom built cubbies and an old church pew.

A new/old bathroom with lots of character.

Beadboard and shutters for privacy.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Happiness is.........

  • 4 girls with zero knots in their hair
  • soft chubby Gwenny cheeks

  • a dance party in the living room
  • a dance party on our king sized bed
  • our king sized bed
  • colorful bowls
  • birthday $ I can spend on whatever colorful things I want........
  • .........like these or these
  • girls playing with my hair while I "surf the net"
  • ruffles........on pillows, towels, pajamas..........
  • the Drumline soundtrack
  • a sparkling clean bathroom
  • Tastefully Simple beer bread (thanks Missy) baking in the oven
  • an easy dinner of Taquitos (Steve is out of town)
  • 7 layer bars (which I polished off all by myself in a ridiculously few number of days)
  • perusing old issues of Cottage Living for decorating ideas for the farmhouse
  • the farmhouse and all it's potential
  • music with a beat that forces you to dance (did I mention the Drumline soundtrack?)
  • going out to dinner with friends
  • friends.......ours are absolutely incredible!!
  • down comforters
  • a warm fire
  • Magic Erasers....how fun and magical are they?!?
  • inspirational blogs
  • a felted flower brooch (thanks Mary) sprucing up my ancient denim gap purse
  • a new magazine in the mail
  • breakfast in bed......even if I'm not hungry (thanks to Addie and Josie)
  • a warm day after a week of subzero temps

  • folding laundry in front of our big window while watching the girls play happily in the snow
  • finding out there will be NO lapse in Steve's paychecks (PTL)

I am happy.