If You Give a Gwen a Muffin

If you give a Gwen a muffin, she will sit nicely in her booster chair until the phone rings.

As you tear apart the couch trying to find the phone under the cushions, Gwen will climb down from the table with her muffin, leaving a trail of crumbs behind her. 

As you are repeating your debit card number for the third time to your family dentist's account specialist, you follow the muffin trail into the sun room where Gwen has mushed the remainder of her muffin into an empty pillowcase.

Seeing the pillowless case reminds you of the caseless pillow that you allowed your drooler to sleep on last night in your rush to put the kids to bed before your favorite show, "So You Think You Can Dance."

You decide that this particularly warm and sunny day would be perfect for line drying all the household bedding so you decide to strip the beds. 

As you are stripping the girls' bed, you notice that a section of their freshly painted wall appears to have been "textured" with......boogers.

As you gather the girls together to determine the creator of the "booger wall," you realize that it is 12:15 and they are all still in their pajamas.

Seeing the girls in their pajamas reminds you that you still aren't wearing your much needed bra and that you are expecting a delivery today.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see the UPS man coming up the driveway, so you frantically throw open the mud room door to grab a coat to cover your sagging breasts.

As the mud room door opens, you remember that you had precariously stacked 3 laundry baskets full of random clutter here before last night's company arrived without much warning.

As the laundry baskets spill to the floor around you, you consider hiding upstairs with the girls till the UPS guy just leaves the package at the door.

You are then reminded of a recent sermon on the 10 commandments and decide that you don't want your kids to see you "lying," or being even a tidge deceitful.

To Be Continued........or not.

Butt Wipe Origami Makes Cents

Last night as I was lying or laying (still not sure which) in bed unable to sleep because of the caffeine high I was experiencing from a couple of Exedrin Tension Headache pills I popped, it occurred to me that it might be wise to post something ASAP so that my gigundous prego picture wouldn't assault anyone who might happen across my blog.

I've been tempted to cut and paste a few of my more creative musings from my facebook page, but have refrained for fear of plagiarizing myself. Is that possible? I haven't announced my page to the general public via facebook yet, as most seem to do.....I guess I fear what might happen if my blog falls into the wrong hands......I can't be paranoid that a pastor friend might read about something totally unspiritual and ban me from Sunday School responsibilities, or that some teenage boy might get too big a kick out of some post containing.... #gasp#.....marital innuendo! So for now, I'd like to assume that my small readership consists entirely of women..... 

Women like me....who can look at a picture of an insanely huge pregnant woman and remember how awkward a love life can get.....who stockpile feminine supplies because the thought of an economic collapse makes them want to undergo an elective hysterectomy.....who have had their small children mush around in what is left of their abdominal muscles and think it a decent substitute for playdoh..... I digress....

So I am going to admit that I can't come up with any "new" material for this post and I'm going to "plagiarize" myself..... This is from a facebook group I created.....Butt Wipe Origami Makes Cents.

This site's mission is to provide educational and emotional support to those who actively and openly participate in butt wipe origami as a means of saving 3 to 15 cents per dirty diaper change. Members can share folding techniques and creations as well as personal anecdotes about how butt wipe origami has transformed dirty diaper time from "stinky" to "stupendous," "foul fecal matter" to "fluffy tailed fox," "poo" to "poodle," "diarrhea" to "dinosaur."

Here is an excerpt from the message that started it all....

Butt wipe origami actually found ME! I have a tendency to be obsessive when it comes to saving a penny.....did you know that every decent butt wipe costs about 3 cents!? With the number of dirty butts we've had in our home over the years I have literally saved hundreds of dollars by strategically folding the poo into the wipe....emphasis on STRATEGICALLY FOLDING! You must be careful not to attempt this if you lack spatial relations or problem solving skills.  Anyway, you can imagine my delight the first time I wiped a butt perfectly clean only to discover that the wipe looked exactly like a little brown weiner dog.....complete with ears! Maybe I should start a facebook group for this hobby....

And here are a few of my posts.....

Just some more money saving advice for those of you who are still clinging to the diving board above the fun-filled pool of crimped creatures and extra cash.....Christmas is right around the corner and if you're looking for ways to cut costs, butt wipe origami can save you money AND provide delightful and heartfelt gifts for your friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a butt wipe origami reindeer that you and your babe created together.

Just thought I'd share a fun song I used to sing when Ella was still in diapers.....sung to the tune of A Bear Went Over the Mountain.......The name "Ella" can be substituted with any rhyming name.....

Oh, don't you cry little Ella,

Your booty will no longer smell-a,

Some day you'll meet a fine fella,

LOOK! I just made a gorr-ella!

I eventually learned to adjust the tempo of the song to the severity of the mess in the diaper so I could display my butt wipe origami creation at just the right time....great positive reinforcement to tame a twitching tot.

Hip hop abs?.....prolly not in this lifetime:(

I tried the upload again and it worked......I'm absolutely out of my mind to post such unflattering pics of myself, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words. So here you have it....in a picture or two......the reason I am absolutely done having babies. Nuff said!

My baby is 2!!!

Two years ago today I birthed my enormous 11 pound baby girl. She was so fat...I remember how soft and squishy even her forehead was. I think she may have been the first baby with forehead "rolls." I've been trying to upload a pic of her roly poly face just minutes after birth, along with a picture of my huge belly before the whole ordeal......maybe we were both too big to upload;) I'm feeling rather sentimental and sappy...and yes, even a tidge emotional over my "baby" turning 2! Where has the time gone? Coincidentally, Gwen is wearing the same dress in these pictures that we gave our eldest (now 7) for her 2nd birthday! 

Gwen is our last. I am going to miss having a baby in the house. I LOVE the babies! But now it is time to look ahead....move onto the next stage. The stage where my purse is no longer the size of a diaper bag.....where we all hop on our bikes and go for a ride on the boardwalk....where we sit down for a nice peaceful meal together and the food stays in our mouths and not in our hair---OK. maybe I'm rushing things a bit. I DO look forward to the freedom we will have to do more as the kids become more capable, but just for today I want to mourn the loss of the baby stage. Why can't they stay forever young?

So I'm just chillin here at nap time...waiting for my hubby to get home from a work day at church. He had to be there at 6 am to get stuff ready for a men's breakfast that was strategically scheduled right before the workday. Smart and subtle manipulation. Last Saturday Steve was away on a fishing trip, but I decided today that I would make the most of another Saturday alone with the girls. I never can convince them all at once that a morning of garage sales is in order, but I bribed them into the car with a promise of donuts. I also tried to get them pumped about it by yelling at the top of my lungs when I woke up, "Who wants to go to garage sales!?" Everything seems like fun when you yell it loudly with a voice full of giddy anticipation:) So we spent an absolutely gorgeous morning toodling around our favorite g-sale neighborhoods, munching on donuts and sipping from juice boxes. That along with the occasional discovery of an unused sticker book, barbie phone, or other cheap but mildly entertaining piece of junk.....what more could a kid ask for!? The big purchases of the day were a tiny desk for Addie's room (that was on our garage sale shopping list), and a big bag of ponies and horses for the girls. 

Steve and I watched Dances with Wolves earlier this week and decided that it would be fun to give our girls Sioux names. I'm still waiting for more inspiration, but here are our ideas so far. Addie...Stands on her Head, Josie...Cuddles with a Grin, Ella...Dances in Dresses, and Gwen...Food in her Hair. We decided it would be best to refrain from using Poops with a Grunt for Ella. Princesses don't grunt. Or poop.

I love lists, so I borrowed this from Sabrina's blog.....

5 Things I Can't Live Without Under $10:

1. dental floss (my teeth are falling apart)

2. DCT chapstick from Blistex

3. mascara

4. wet TP (perfect for a family with 4 lil girlies)

5. a nice black fine tip pen

5 Favorite Baby Girl Names That I Love But Won't Use:

1. Sophie (I was tempted, but Sophie Sopha?)

2. Lucia (Lucy).....same as Sabrina's list!!! I grew up on Lucia Lane!

3. Joelle (I used this for Addie's middle name not knowing I would have 3 more girls)

4. Charlotte (my grandma's name....but Steve knew a Char in high school-you know how that goes)

5. Galeana (the name of the lil mexican town where Steve and I met)

5 Favorite Boy Baby Names That I Love But Won't Use:

1. Stewart

2. Jack (way too popular)

3. Jacob (Jake)

4. Lawrence (the middle name of all the firstborn sons on the Sopha side)

5. Romulus (said in a deep and manly voice)

5 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over:

1. Hallelujah by Jason Castro

2. Billie Jean by David Cook

3. The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

4. Wonderful Merciful Saviour (love that harmony)

5. Anything Norah Jones 

5 Things That Stay in my Purse at All Times

1. diaper

2. wipes

3. coupons, including my Happenings book

4. DCT

5. wallet

5 Obsessions I Have Right Now:

1. Can You Duet (I just watched it Friday night, but can see how it might become an obsession)

2. garage sales (and little Gap dresses)

3. Settlers of Catan (board game or online, but I am slowly getting over this)

4. Vintage Floral Textiles

5. Becoming a Survivalist

5 Places I'd Love to Go:

1. Venice

2. Maine

3. Ireland

4. a Cath Kidston Store (England?)

5. North Carolina (Steve's supposed dream state)

Mom's Day

Mother's Day......the perfect occasion for a post about the best woman I've ever met, who also happens to be my mom:) So I know that many people claim to have "the best mom in the world," but only I can say it and truly mean it. I lived with her 18 years of my life and I honestly cannot think of a single flaw! That is the truth. So here are just a few of the things that I love about my mom.

As you can see from these pictures, she is beautiful! But her beauty is so much more than skin deep.....I am convinced that she could suffer severe burns on her face and lose all her hair, and she would STILL be gorgeous! I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Lady Blessington ....."There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness." My mom is the happiest person I know......or joyful might be a more accurate word......not the ooey gooey sickeningly "happy" show some people put on, but rather a sincerely grateful, content, and joyful spirit. She sees the best in people and situations which in turn inspires and motivates people (myself included) to be their best. She delights in life's simple pleasures.......homemade cards, picnics at the park, and quiet evenings reading the paper in front of the fire. At times her joy has manifested itself in a sound.......I remember when living at home I would often hear a high pitched "fluttering of the tongue sound" (which I really wish I knew how to convey with these keyboard symbols) that would escape her lips as she dashed up the stairs, excited that Dad was home from work. My mom never complains, whines, or feels sorry for herself. She denies being sick......she just sucks it up and deals with it. She is ALWAYS pleasant to be around. 
Besides being the happiest person I've ever known, my mom is also the most selfless person I've ever known. She gives 150% to those around her. She has 11 grandkids and whenever the whole family gets together, the rest of us sit back in awe over the attention and energy she has for each and every grandkid. She feeds them, reads them books, makes snowforts, blows bubbles, draws with chalk, kisses boo boos, feeds them some more, whisks babies away to change their stinky diapers, plays the piano and sings with them, plays with playdough, makes homemade books, plays games, cleans their messes, yada yada yada........and with a good attitude. It's amazing to me just watching her make cookies with my girls. She lets them all get in on the action, even if it means that Gwen spills flax all over the table, or Josie gets eggshells in the bowl. And she never loses her patience! 

I feel like I must also admit that I think my mom helped me "snag" my wonderful husband. He saw very early in our relationship what a wonderful mom I had and believed that as her daughter I would turn out much like her. While reading some Newlywed Game questions among some friends awhile back we came across, "Who is your wife most like in her family?" I sheepishly and with a question mark at the end said "my mom?" Steve laughed. So I obviously have a long way to go, but I have had the perfect example of what a wife and mother should be. So on this Mother's Day and every day I am grateful to be the only one who can truthfully say "I have the best mom in the world." 

Song of Praise......to Garage Sales

(sung to the tune of Shout to the Lord)

Oh garage sales,

sweet garage sales,

jackpot of treasures untold,

Let every cent,

that I have spent,

never cease to bring me joy.......

OK, maybe that's a tidge overkill. But it flowed.....like......buttah?  Maybe I have an untapped gift for song writing? So my garage sale season has officially begun. Steve and the girls and I went down to the Cities yesterday to see the Twins/Tigers game. It was pouring rain, took forever to find parking, and we got a lil lost on our way home, but it was priceless to see Ella sitting on Steve's lap chanting "Let's go Tigers..." We spent the night with my parents, had brunch with some friends (who think blogging is dumb and are too closed-minded to join facebook;), and then headed for home to make it to a dinner party tonight. But along the way, Steve spoke my other love language of quality time (he likes to call it "show-furring" me around to garage sales.) He voluntarily took the back roads so I could enjoy my first garage sale spree of the season. Mostly I got books......puzzle books, workbooks, school books, joke books.....perfect for making the ride home more palatable for the girls. But I also got a pair of nearly new ice skates for Addie next year ($2), a box full of various prepackaged art projects (.50), and several unused journals (.25 each). One of the journals had a raised picture of Cinderella and a gemstone that blinks all different colors when you press it. Ella was in heaven and asked about 14 times if she could really keep it. I also found a cute antique reproduction tin that I intended to fill with cookies and give as a hostess gift, but Ella got car sick literally 5 seconds before we pulled into our driveway:( Definitely worth a quarter!