Friday, October 31, 2008

A long time coming

I just realized that although I personally notified the winner of the nudie caption contest, I failed to announce my decision to the rest of you clever participants. I'm sorry you have all been refreshing my blog page every 30 seconds for the past few weeks, phone in hand ready to notify your local paper of your latest achievement, and I'm even more sorry that you sold some valuable baseball cards sheathed in plastic to make room in your binder for your new Garbage Pail Kids collection. And now with apologies made, and without further ado.....the winner is............ MY DAD with his caption "Holy Navel, Buttman!" 

My dad has a great sense of humor, and I hope this doesn't seem like a conflict of interest. All of the entries were so entertaining.....I might just make an effort to do regular caption writing contests as a reminder of man's (and woman's) amazing creative capabilities. Fun things! Julie of theanticsofthethree22nds was the runner-up in this contest as she hit on the whole idea of perspective that I had originally envisioned. My thought was something along the lines of "things observed beyond this obstruction" or something to that effect. Anyway, thanks to all you witty participants, apologies for my failure to announce the winner sooner, and best wishes for a scare-free Halloween. 

P.S. After picking up our 8 free mini-pizzas (2 per kid cuz they had lots of extras) from Papa Murphy's, Steve took us all shining for deer. In the cemetery. On Halloween! If it wasn't for my coma-inducing heated car seat, I'm quite sure I would have wet myself.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Taking it out of context

We have a lot of underwear at our house. A LOT. I buy it in bulk at garage sales. I know, some of you are probably totally repulsed by the thought of wearing something that once touched a stranger's unmentionables, but I don't buy the stained ones and I always wash them in really hot water and often bleach before I place them in the big basket-o-underwear in the girls' room. Oh, yeah. I'm talking lil girlie underwear here....NOT grown woman underwear. For that I splurge on the free pair Victoria's Secret continues to offer me in an attempt to make me drop a hund-o on a bra. Sha! As if! Back to the topic....lots of underwear. If I find nice clean underwear at a garage sale for 5 or 10 cents, I pick it up. In the past, most likely one of the girls was on the potty train or about to hitch a ride on the potty train, and for some of the messier accidents I found it was much less stressful to just throw away a pair of cheap underwear than to spend my precious time scrubbing out the poo stain. And on hectic weeks like this one when I just might be a tidge backed up on the laundry, the girls are at least guaranteed a clean pair of skivies. So yes, lots of underwear.

I keep this underwear in a big basket in the girls' room. For the most part, the girls can each distinguish the pairs that fit them, but unfortunately Gwen keeps getting into them to either try them on, throw them in the air like confetti, or both. Consequently, it's not uncommon to find close to a hundred pairs of underwear all over their bedroom floor on a given day. The state of this room is a battle I have chosen not to fight, but when we are having company I make an attempt to help the younger ones pick up a bit, which involves picking up a lot of underwear.

My dilemma comes from having to decipher the clean confettied underwear from the "I forgot to throw it into the dirty laundry" underwear. Sadly enough, I have yet to find a more reliable way to determine the cleanliness of each pair of underwear other than sticking my nose right down into the crotch of each and every pair and inhaling deeply. Of course, I'm occasionally assaulted by the scent of lil "I don't always remember to wipe" girlie booty and for some strange reason it always reminds me of the following verse.

Romans 7:15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Just a little harmless fun

Thanks to all who voted for a costume idea in my first ever blog poll. Unfortunately, I was unable to convince Steve to shave his chest and don a speedo. Fortunately, with only 24 hours before the big party we were able to secure most of our costume pieces including the free walker at the local Salvation Army. I made a last minute attempt to educate myself in the art of stage make-up via youtube, and apparently my attempts to accentuate my fine lines and wrinkles left me looking more like a lion than a woman with lots of life experience. 

Perverted old man and saggy casino grandma

Oops, I forgot to take my glasses out of my fanny pack to complete my sexy ensemble. Notice my authentic casino club card conveniently accessible to the slots? And the shoes!?! Ah....felt like walking on a cloud......these are begging to become an integral part of my fall wardrobe.

Nate and Missy as McCain and Palin......even her hair was perfect!!

Jeremy and Amanda as Michael Scott and Pam from The Office.

Brianne and Jimmy-T

The fabulous hosts, Troy and Mary as Zorro and Elena? (Zorro's girl)

There were many other fabulous costumes, an amazing spread of ghoulish treats, and lots of laughs. Friends are such a blessing! Can I do that? Can I use the word "blessing" in a post about a "wicked" Halloween party? Get over it. 

Friday, October 24, 2008

A general feeling of anxiety

I woke up this morning with this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, the kind you get on the first day of a new class, or the day your long distance boyfriend is driving 13 hours across the country to see you for the first time in months, or the morning you teach the preschoolers' Sunday school and 3 parents are staying in class to help their kids 'transition.' I'm trying to pinpoint the source of my anxiety and here is a non-inclusive list of the possible culprits.
  • The kids just woke up before the sun. After telling them to get back in bed, Steve informed me that it was already 7:30. Addie's bus stop pick-up time used to be 7:26 and I was reminded of all the cold early mornings spent rushing around scolding "Hurry up or you'll miss the bus!"
  • Steve and I were invited to a costume party tomorrow night and we still have no idea what we're going to be. Let's just say that Steve and I are on the same page about a lot of things, but costumes definitely do NOT fall under this category.
  • In Rachel's post yesterday she wrote about feeling like she gets kicked in the gut every time she remembers that Felicity is gone. I may be feeling anxious knowing that my good friend is being frequently kicked in the gut. I want to defend her from her heartless attacker, but I can't. I've been known to overpower grown men and occasionally sit with my knees in someone's armpits, but Rachel's attacker has no armpits and seems to be much bigger than a grown man. I'm still feeling helpless. And sad.
  • I'm feeling pressure to get back on the Bloggy Bandwagon before you all forget me. My absence of posts isn't entirely due to lack of inspiration, but more of a lack of discipline to edit my ideas down to readable material. Thanks to my cousin Kim for providing me with the random topic of "egg beaters" to help get my semi-stagnant juices flowing. My egg beater post is still under production.              
  • I am awaiting the arrival of the bill for my root canal and wondering how much a dentist charges for his use of a Bunsen burner during the procedure. Seriously people, this is the 21st century! Must we really light up a Bunsen burner by the patient's head before sticking numerous long sharp objects in her mouth!?
  • I didn't call a friend back yesterday. She called twice and I feel really bad about it.
  • Last weekend when my parents were up raking, hauling firewood into our garage and babysitting visiting, some vandals/thieves/bad guys broke a window in Steve's truck, stole our iPod and slashed the roof of my parent's convertible. I'm having a hard time reconciling the city I love with the city that would commit such random acts of meanness. 
  • I have 3 laundry baskets full of miscellaneous paperwork stuffed into my mud room. And I can't seem to find the time or the space to store it away properly. 
  • I seem to be getting wobblier and wrinklier by the day.
  • There are 11 days until the election.
  • I'm down to only 9 jars of back-up peanut butter.
  • It is supposed to snow on Sunday and I still haven't gotten around to planting those new hollyhocks. Oops.

Friday, October 10, 2008

the one where joolee wakes up in a wet spot reeking of antibiotics and mixed vegetables

That made you puke in your mouth a little, didn't it?

Wow! What a rough week. God must have known that my dear friend would need lots of prayer this week.......including prayer in the middle of the night, because coincidentally, I have been up many a night since Monday. I won't go into the gory details, but my week involved a family sickness and an emergency root canal. (I wonder if all root canals aren't emergency, but I'm going to leave it in for effect.) So now I'm on stinky antibiotics that are somehow oozing their foul stench through my pores, and that wet spot and odor de mixed vegetables........that's from sleeping laying all night on a bag of Green Giant Valley Fresh Steamers.

Don't they make steam-in-a-bag celery? I absolutely adore the smell of fresh celery.

Anyway, despite my miserable week, I know that the physical pain I have experienced is absolutely nothing compared to the emotional pain my friend is enduring. Keep praying for Rachel and her family as their memorial service for Felicity is tomorrow.

Monday, October 6, 2008

much sadness

I got absolutely heartbreaking news from my BFF tonight, my BFF who drove hundreds of miles to stand up for me when I eloped, my BFF who just recently started blogging....Rachel, of Home on the Range.

She had her third baby this morning....a girl. Felicity Faith. Rachel was really hoping for a girl. Of course, she was just hoping for a healthy baby, cuz that's what we know we're all supposed to say, but I knew she really wanted a girl. Devastatingly, she didn't get her healthy baby. Somehow, the umbilical cord was tied in a tight knot leaving her unable to breath. I don't know all the traumatic details, but I DO know that this little girl was loved and wanted more than anything. 

I can't even begin to fathom the deep sadness and maybe even anger that Rachel and her husband are feeling right now. I spent the night driving around in silence, crying and praying for my dear friend. What can you say to a friend who has just lost the baby she carried for 41 weeks? Yesterday she was blogging about the new baby sling she was anxious to use and tomorrow she will be planning a memorial service. Why do these things happen!!??

So I finally managed to drag myself into a store to look for a sympathy card. I HATE sympathy cards! They all say something totally dumb..... some poetic nonsense meant to comfort the grieving, but really they just sound cliche and shallow. I bought one anyway. Something about there not being words. And as I stood there at Shopko, bawling between the Thanksgiving cards and the humorous cards (the kind that Rachel and I save for each other), I wished there was something.....anything I could do to help her. What good will a card do? Sure, I'll be praying for her like mad, but I feel so helpless. Helpless and so incredibly sad. 

Pray for my dear sweet friend.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

another update


  • is blogging while watching the debate in order to prevent the painful exposure of any new nail beds.
  • thinks Tina Fey IS Sarah Palin.
  • has learned the hard way that using the internet to search for a photo of a fig leaf while helping her 7 year old with her Genesis community Bible study homework will probably reveal a part of Adam's anatomy needing just a bit more fig leaf coverage.
  • is tempted to get a haircut to perfectly match her stylish 8 year old niece.
  • is currently being mesmerized by Biden's pearly whites, even though she is a republican. She is also thinking they just might be dentures, in which case she is more anxious than ever for all her teeth to fall out.
  • thinks snacking on candy corn and peanuts will probably bring her one step closer to the perfect denture smile of her dreams.
  • was true to her facebook status word and went dumpster diving, if only for the photo opportunity.
  • is thinking she might prefer the life of a blomad.....a blogging nomad......traveling from blog to blog, living off other's ideas and providing mini posts in their comment sections.
  • was thrilled with the audience participation in her first nudie post and will announce a winner before she kicks her peanut butter habit.
  • is going to start using her wrinkle cream much more diligently.
  • would prefer to live in her ignorant bubble than to hear that non-organic apples are chock full of poison.
  • can't afford organic.
  • feels like debating......pick a topic....any topic.......
  • is Phew! the debate is over!

The thing about my 10 year anniversary

First of all, the thing about my 10 year anniversary is that it was last Thursday. But due to technical photo upload difficulties, I am posting it this Thursday.

Ok. So I'm not feeling the whole "the thing about my 10 year anniversary" vibe. But on this day, 10 years ago, Steve and I tied the knot here, at the Little Log Wedding Chapel in Gatlinburg, TN. Our wedding cost us $229 plus the gas to get there.

Only the preacher and our recently married BFFs were there to witness the momentous occasion. I wore a black dress that was intended for one of my bridesmaids. We exchanged rings bought for a quarter from a vending machine. I held a single white hardy mum. I cried tears of joy. It was my perfect wedding. Except for the black dress. I had ordered my dream dress (minus the bow), but unfortunately it couldn't be delivered in all it's bustled glory until November, a month before our initial wedding date. 

We were young. And jobless. We had both just moved from Minnesota to Michigan and decided to elope because I had a Friday off of school. The 3 month wait for the wedding we had started to plan just seemed too far away. We simply couldn't wait to start our lives together as man and wife.

What a difference 10 years and 4 kids can make! 
And I even photo shopped out my laugh lines below!!!

So Happy Anniversary to us!!! 
I couldn't have picked a more perfect mate!